Anna had long resisted her friends’ consistent urging to download a dating app. However, one evening, she decided to download a new dating app. At first, everything went well, and the initial matches sparked some hope. However, a couple of days later, she remembered why she had been hesitant to dive into the depths of online dating long ago.
Some users behaved as if they had just graduated from pickup artist courses. Others wrote strange things, while some vanished without explanation when it came to a real-life meeting. Just as Anna was about to delete the app, she received a notification that changed everything. The conversation was sincere and genuine, culminating in a very warm and promising meeting. Anna’s story is just one among thousands, and it vividly illustrates that in online dating, the best and worst aspects simultaneously are the people themselves.
Promises of developers: what to believe and what not to
The online dating industry is evolving at a rapid pace. Modern apps promise to do everything for us. Algorithms match the “perfect” partner based on various parameters, such as appearance, interests, and behavioural patterns. AI technologies assist in starting conversations and providing tips on how to engage a chat partner. In theory, it all seems perfect because dating services promise to relieve everyone of loneliness. However, the reality is different.
Is this the fault of the developers? Partially, yes. The mechanics of the apps are designed to keep us in them for as long as possible: swiping, messaging, and exchanging media files. This is profitable for the companies because the higher the activity, the greater the profit. Users and developers have different goals. Users enter the app to find relationships, while developers do everything to keep us searching for as long as possible by making users return regularly. However, users play a significant role in this dynamic.
What influences users
Algorithms significantly influence whether we can connect with someone truly interesting. However, it is the human factor that determines whether online dating will lead to something more. Often, things don’t work out because people have different motives. Some people register on an app to build serious relationships, while others are interested in light flirting or friendly communication. If each user indicated what they expect from the interaction initially, there would be fewer disappointments.
Also, a lot depends on communication style/pattern; it often determines whether a date will continue. Everyone has their communication style. Some people are cautious until they get to know the other person better and start to trust them. Others engage as if they have known their chat partner for their entire life from the first moment. This is where a disconnect often arises: one person may be all in, opening up completely, while the other remains quiet. As a result, the interaction will not develop into something meaningful, because one feels their efforts are unappreciated, while the other feels pressured. This differing “communication pace” can lead to disappointment.
Another issue with dating apps is embellishment. Many users post heavily retouched photos or even use pictures of other people. Also, they may exaggerate their accomplishments or income. Therefore, it’s not surprising that expectations do not align with reality when they meet in person.
Real users’ stories
Another significant factor is psychological state. People who have had negative experiences often approach new dating with caution. Some are tired of chat partners simply “disappearing,” while others have grown weary of deceit and indifference.
For example, Laura has become more reserved after facing inappropriate behaviour from users several times. In the past, she would open up and connect easily, but now, she checks how “stable” a person is in their communication. Ghosting is a common phenomenon that heavily impacts self-esteem and leads to doubts about whether it is worth investing in conversations at all. Surveys show that over 50% of young users have experienced the sudden disappearance of a chat partner at least once. In addition, there were no warning signs: the person would stop responding to messages or block the other user without any explanation.
Also, many users complain about the overwhelming number of fake profiles. For instance, Eric has found himself several times in situations where scammers hid behind attractive photos. Ultimately, he ended up deleting the app. Fake profiles tarnish the overall impression of the platform and lead to doubts about whether the person on the other side of the screen is real. In such cases, trust is not possible.
Nonetheless, there are stories with a happy ending. For example, Maria met her husband through an app. Initially, she didn’t plan anything serious. She only wanted to chat and distract herself. However, the man turned out to be attentive and, importantly, honest. There were no scripted lines or attempts to manipulate. After a couple of weeks, they had an in-person meeting, and it turned out that communicating outside the app was better. Today, the couple is celebrating their first anniversary.
Online video chats — an alternative to dating services
Text-based communication lacks the main element: genuine emotions. It is challenging to connect by merely exchanging messages because words can hurt or comfort. This is why services like Shaggle, CooMeet, Flirtify and others are becoming popular among users. You can see your chat partner almost as you would in real life, without filters or masks. You can be confident that you are talking to a real person, not a fake profile. Additionally, videochats reintroduce all those non-verbal signals that are absent in text conversations, such as gestures, intonations, and eye contact. Communicating via video allows you to determine if you share common ground and elusive “chemistry.”
Moreover, the mechanics of random chats are completely different. You don’t need to swipe for hours to choose someone to talk to. The system automatically connects two users, and each new connection is unpredictable. It is impossible to anticipate who will be on the other side of the screen in a chat roulette. You can specify your desired search parameters, but you will see your chat partner after the connection is made.
A few tips to conclude
To ensure a positive experience while using apps, follow these simple rules:
- Set your expectations correctly: Be specific with what you want in your profile. This way, you will narrow down your search and avoid wasting time on those whose goals differ from yours.
- Work on your profile: Add realistic photos and share a bit about yourself. Empty profiles can be off-putting and create distrust.
- Be honest: There’s no need to hide behind someone else’s photos or fabricated stories. Honesty will save time for you and your chat partner.
Additionally, remember that algorithms and AI are just our helpers. Whether a connection continues depends on us. Our sincerity, honesty, and willingness to engage in conversation play a more important role than just finding the perfect “match”.
